Birthday is here! And a lot has transpired inwardly. I am already sensing what the coming year has to teach me – walk out and walk on.
In this one week, I’ve already walked out of a group that no longer resonated, and a relationship with someone where feelings were simply unrequited.
To summarize, this is what this year has taught me –
1. Not every spiritual technique will resonate with me inspite of its popularity and even though it is all perfect in the end. Anything enforced sucks.
2. Depression can ‘hit’ me anytime if I rely on my thinking rather than feeling.
3. Nature is the best and biggest healer. It pays to simply spend time alone in a place of beauty every other week (atleast).
4. There are mentors who will make a lot of sense, therapists who will help out wonderfully and healers who can take advantage of your vulnerability. There’s all kinds of kinds. But sometimes you only need one kind person full of love in whose presence you break down and cry simply because you experience desireless, unconditional love all around that person. Thank you Erik Berglund.
5. Heart work is waaay better than hard work.
6. Going away alone and meditating in the Pyramid at Bangalore, spending solitary time in the valley, can do wonders.
7. Sometimes the only healing that is really required to push you out of a pattern is making a decision.
8. Inspite of having seen the eternal part of us, we lose it. These glimpses come and go like waves, until we remember forever.
9. Between me and the reflection in the mirror: “This is it. This is how it is going to be between you and me. I might not like you sometimes. But eventually I shall come back to you. The relating will keep changing. But here on I decide to love you no matter what. It’s just between you and me now”
10. The best way to ‘keep in touch’ with someone especially when intense emotions are involved – When you catch yourself thinking about them or their face just flashes in front of your eyes suddenly, tap your heart, send them love and a telepathic message saying, “You are in my heart. Sending you love”.
11. Love is like a dish on the side. Quietly resonant. The main course is the relationship, which is of course difficult sometimes. And yet, fools we are, that we don’t notice the dish on the side ‘cos the main course turns out to be terrible.
12. The one who you matter to will make sure he/she tells you both the light and dark aspects about himself/herself. Conversely, if someone matters to you, share with them your being, your light, your darkness, your essence. When we communicate, we communicate for ourselves. Especially in love.
13. Love is present. An out-picturing into true love in a relationship is only when the person holds the highest intentions for you.
14. Healing tools are wonderful. But we must draw a line when we start using them for fixing ourselves and others. It is okay to grieve for months. The soul needs this time to really let go. After all you cannot add excessive nutrition in the soil and expect the flowers to bloom earlier than they are meant to.
15. Beyond this spiritual gaga, the one sitting deep underneath it all is transcendence, waiting for you to just acknowledge that you already are Buddha. Inspite of 2012. Inspite of solar flares. Inspite of stock market crashes. Inspite of breakdowns. Please remember that.
16. At one stage, wounds are only healed through the presence of other people rather than receding into the darkness and meditating. Hence, a sangha who genuinely lifts up your spirits is very important at one stage of spiritual growth.
17. We are 50% human, 50% divine. Better to give up the expectation to become just one of them. Even better to remember that there is the other side to this person when meeting one part of them.
18. Meeting your animus (or anima) can be extremely trying on your nervous system.
19. The body is always in the present moment and it knows. When there is a disconnection, better to simply do bodywork.
20. There is something much beyond what I am that is at work beyond my vision, thoughts and physical presence. It is good to remember that even for a second before plunging into anything. Non-doership is the ultimate fun!
21. PS: If it is not fun, it is not me, it’s an image. Time to re-discover.
22. I am not a writer. Writing happens when I am feeling and experiencing life through my fingers. It is a deep communion with God. It is my way of worship and talking to Energy.
23. The mind is not all bad. It is never going to go away. Ego is never going to go away. My shadow side is never going to go away. Better to be brave and just do what I have come here to do anyways and let life take its own course.
24. Behind desiring something, I am longing to deserve it.
25. A lover is not a mother or father. An office is not a playground (unless I am a teacher!). Dear God, help me to become aware of these illusory expectations and come to terms with what is what.
26. Rather be honest even if that sounds harsh with someone I genuinely care about than be nice to them and watch distances and prejudices build up.
27. When you put out the lights, you don’t see the garden, you don’t see the walls. Doesn’t mean they are not there. Just because you don’t see the masters and energies in physical form doesn’t mean they are not there. Judging your life by what you can only physically see and experience is basically stupid. It is not going to serve me in any way.
28. When the mind seems to be going crazy, the only peaceful, unassuming thought is “Thank you”.
29. The right people, opportunities and energies come to you. You needn’t go searching for them. Trusting in a(ny) higher power is enough for now. Doesn’t matter what name you give it.
30. Keep reminding yourself – when you are riding, the only rational thought is “i am riding”, when you are cooking, remind yourself “i am cooking” and so on. It helps to bring down the mental chatter.
31. Drink plenty of water.
32. Feeling beautiful is the ultimate soul nourishment. Beauty is beyond perfection and beyond usefulness. Presence is about beauty.
33. Telepathically connect to the dolphins, to the whales, to the sea – sometimes just sit and imagine all of this for fun. It is damn refreshing!
34. Ask for ease and grace. Ask to be connected to your soul family to do what you are born to do. Ask for the blocks to be removed. Ask because you are important enough to life who is begging you to ask.
Awesome Moments of this year
1. Meeting the man of my dreams…feeling like I’ve met God in physical form. This too passed! 😉
2. My brother playing “Happy Birthday” on the violin left-handed alongwith my Dad for my last birthday and this one too! Unbelievable.
3. Visiting the fjords in Norway – alone – at the end of the world. Awesome.
4. Making a trip to Singapore with whatever little savings I had to write my first book, knowing that I would quit 15 days later. Courage.
5. Organizing Erik Berglund’s workshop in Pune and have things effortlessly happen AND getting paid for it. Symphony.
6. Seeing the ocean from a very high point at Dapoli like a vast drop of silence. Emptiness.
7. Discovering a “secret” beach in Goa with my brother. Soulmates.
8. That moment of presence when my eyes met Don Paris’ and felt my soul flying out of my body somewhere and dispersing into the air like a silent firecracker. Unison.
9. Witnessing a peacock perched in its full splendor at the Osho ashram unaffected just 50 metres away. Presence.
10. Glimpsing Sant Dnyaneshwar, as my mentor, Mauli, was talking about him. Oneness.
11. Quitting my job, hitting depression and being convinced of my own sanity. Life.