Glorifying Victimization

Ways in which we glorify our victimization:

1. We are constantly defining ourselves by the stories of what we lost and where we got hurt, rather than what we learnt.
2. We cannot find anything good or good enough about ourselves.
3. We take time to work on an issue we are facing, but don’t take the same amount of time to write down the “10 best things I did for myself today“. Or an appreciation list.
4. We complain. (Even complaints about our politicians is counted here)
5. We feel let down by people usually expressed as “No one understands me/No one wants me”
6. We don’t have a list of “21 Awesome Moments of My Life” accessible to us that we look at EVERYDAY.
7. We believe we are waiting.
8. We stay and put up with people with whom we don’t fit, unwilling to risk the relationship for fear that the “other” person will get hurt.
9. We feel terrible when someone tells us the truth (which we already knew by the way).
10. We stop communicating when all we need is to say, “Hey, I need time to process this”. We stop taking calls as a result and ignore messages. This is our way of dragging the other person also into victimization.
11. We invest in one self-help course/workshop after another, compulsively.
12. We don’t like to follow our intuition (which is hell-bent on empowering us).
13. We don’t know what we like to do by way of celebration. (“Celebrate what”, you asking?) And we don’t clearly know what we thoroughly enjoy that makes us lose the track of time completely.
14. We say “sorry” instead of saying, “I preferred to do xyz”.
15. We call up our friends only on a need-basis. Not to just say, “Hi!”. And definitely not to say, “Hey! Things are turning out awesome for me these days”. Maybe you find there is no one you can share this joy with too.
16. We don’t like to talk about our achievements (not having practiced it in front of the mirror, you have already assumed it is coming from an ego place within you)

Well been there and done that and I still go through long phases of preferring victimization rather than strength. The reason I decided to put this up is to bring myself back to awareness if ever I fall into this trap again. And also to point myself to the wonderful things I could think about myself.

I am taking time out to celebrate. And this post is the first step. 🙂

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13 Comments

  1. sheetal
    November 27, 2012
    Reply

    very articulate.. enjoyed this one!

  2. November 28, 2012
    Reply

    Very interesting and thought-provoking… not celebrating may be a subtle way of holding on to the victim story? Hmm….

    • November 28, 2012
      Reply

      Dear Aalif…I just tracked down my behavior over several months and kept denying this ‘feeling’ that I am glorifying my own victimization. For me, I used to run away from celebrations because I would find a reason/excuse. Like I would never celebrate Diwali. Like so many people for whom holidays have been hard. I wouldn’t even celebrate my birthday, until a few months ago when I asked myself what is so unacceptable that I don’t want to celebrate my existence. With a friend’s help I could see how my life is worth celebrating and decided to celebrate proactively, rather than waiting for reasons to show up. Heck, if you could smile atleast once today that is good enough! Hence, I put that in. It could be different in your case 🙂 Though I am sure there would be some things common. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Take care. Love.

      • November 29, 2012
        Reply

        Have been wondering about it since yesterday too 🙂 On a related note, this year, time and again, I have been thinking of finding a new paradigm for celebration – the contemporary one includes late nights, loud music, alcohol, rich food and meaningless chatter. All of which I don’t really care for. What do you think on this? Have you come across any interesting concepts on this subject?

        • November 29, 2012
          Reply

          Incidentally I keep drawing the celebration card from the Osho Zen Tarot which carries a very powerful message. I actually started becoming aware that I need to celebrate thanks to the repeated occurrence of that card. This is where most of the Osho quotes on celebration are: http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Spiritual_Quotes/Osho/osho_celebration_quotes1.htm
          Also since a year dance kept coming to me. And I wondered why until I recollected my first Bharatnatyam class where my teacher said, “Dance was discovered when man became so happy that he could not contain it within himself”. That is celebration isn’t it? 🙂
          When I got back after the first meditation session by GD, I was so happy and full of life, that I plunged into cleaning up my house . That for me was an act of celebration because my mind became so uncluttered, it spilled over. It is again a case of inner state creating the outer.
          🙂

          • November 29, 2012
            Reply

            Wow – looks like things are really unfolding rapidly for you… Glad to hear it…! 🙂

            • November 29, 2012
              Reply

              Yup… :)Thanks. Hope the celebrations begin for you too!

  3. Silence
    November 28, 2012
    Reply

    One lady who was a receiver of intense situations – said she hated to be identified as victim – so she sold her house & gave up her job to follow her dreams

    • November 28, 2012
      Reply

      Dear Silence, it seems she might be fighting victimization. If she is, then that is just a smarter way of making yourself your own enemy. 🙂 Victimization is so subtle and in bred within us that I have learnt we just become aware of it and understand it for what it is. It may be that that energy/sub-personality in you will still be there. But you will stop feeding it by just letting it be. It simply becomes a matter of choice after a point. In time it gets taken care of.
      Thank you for sharing and reading.

  4. Silence
    November 28, 2012
    Reply

    She spoke to no one about her trials.

  5. Devjit Sarkar
    November 28, 2012
    Reply

    Dear Deepti,
    Have been trying to write to you for sometime now. In quest of finding a purpose, last few years I had embraced silence in all forms. For sometime now..have receiving messages to break free, reachout and openup. On this day when I have decided to express my gratitude to some, my sincere thanks for inspiring me to write. Your similicity in writings have inspired me to express not only thur words but also thru my world of pictures.
    Hope to meet you soon for some ‘sessions’
    Sincere thanks and Hugs
    Devjit

    • November 28, 2012
      Reply

      Dear Devjit,
      How are you? Thank you for reading, sharing and expressing yourself 🙂
      Will surely drop you a mail so that we can connect further.
      Take care. God bless…

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