Sexual objectivism

As Anuja, founder of Inner Light healing center, and I started discussions on building our first workshop together on Inner Child healing, we stumbled upon the topic of sexuality. As we shared our experiences with each other, it was interesting to see how she and I were both a few stops away from each other on the same road of exploration.

We both have had similar experiences of witnessing how as children we were taught to abhor our sexuality, which led to shame and guilt being associated with our sexual organs and everything even remotely associated with sexual pleasure. However living in India it is no secret that you are constantly exposed to this radar – as a girl being raised with beliefs (often unconsciously) that you have to guard yourself against men, that men are out to get you, that as a woman you are not safe, being attractive means you are a coveted asset. Thought begets reality. It is therefore no surprise that women are objectified for their sexuality in any case as a part of their upbringing itself. And this thought goes down so deep that I remember recently when there was a huge outcry on an inhuman gang-rape of a girl in India, I sat down and asked myself, where does this come from? And this is what I stumbled upon. In my own consciousness I have objectified myself through all this conditioning. Moreover, it is a habit to see myself as a sexual object that can be threatened when I step into a crowded bus or train station, or a marketplace. But even more astounding was the deeper reflection of this perception onto men – men are nothing but sexual predators, or sex objects out to get you. This breaks down any scope one might have of relating to men as human beings – as people with hearts, as someone who might have lost someone precious in his life, as someone who longs to be understood, as someone whose heart might sing if I extend a smile and a ‘thank you’ to. Isn’t a man just me in another shape and form?

Realizing this was a moment of truth. It was colorlessly obvious that holding on to the self-image of being a sexual object serves no one at all. In fact in chakra healing I remember learning that chakras are simply just seven levels of perception – if I relate to people at the level of sexuality, I become one-pointed in my perception and stop relating to them on the level of empowering one another (solar plexus), loving one another (heart), creatively mixing our energies (throat), seeing the grander design in each other’s lives (third eye) and feeling oneness (crown) – which is ultimately the highest evolution of all our relationships – that we are all just One Energy.

In this understanding I have been enjoying a great deal of inner security. I finally feel free of my own objectivism. This story has lost its hold and there is a greater fluidity in relating with the human part of the beings around me.

There still might be instances when instinctively I feel alerted and threatened. At that time with tools like EFT,and angel healing, I lift myself up from that level of perception to a more relaxed, expanded sense of being reminding myself, “Hey! You are just another human being. There’s more to you than sexuality”.

Courtesy Rumi page on Facebook
Courtesy Rumi page on Facebook

 

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2 Comments

  1. January 24, 2013
    Reply

    Dear Deepti,

    I work with identity processes and yogic healing. I am very impressed with your sharing. In my experience, it is not only women who are conditioned by a narrow interpretation of man-woman. I was told by my mother, as often as she could that ‘good girls don’t’ and that I am in some way not her worthy son if I am a sexual being. It was done in total innocence, and I believe a fear of sexuality. I developed a slot blindness to perception and sensation that leads to arousal. I therefore had many good friendships with women, but as persons!

    There was a definite tension around the relationship whenever the tight boundaries around ones own sensuality slipped. At one point of time, I became very aware of this process and it led to a period of ‘experimentation”. I loved sports and played polo in my youth, and the idea of being Macho was a great pressure on me. My manliness was questioned when my behaviour as ‘a safe and perfect gentleman’ became the topic of discussion. when i look back now, it us clear that we were objectifying ourselves too!!

    To my surprise, when I opened myself to the adventure of discovery, I found women who were willing to work with me and my inner demons. I guess I was very lucky! There were some experiences where I felt violated by the woman too.

    In our lab spaces, I find that the asymmetry in the expression of one self in sensual and sexual ways is actually a mirror image of the deeply hurt psyche within. I often wonder how people who do nat have the opportunity to work in self reflective ways discover the humanness and beauty of being wholesome?

    • January 24, 2013
      Reply

      Dear Raghu,
      Deeply grateful to your sharing and so appreciate your openness, courage and willingness to see what exists in this very fragile realm of sexuality. As you have discovered, there is no end goal in this journey…one simply has to experience and evolve. There is no definitive box where we can say, okay this is what sexuality means. Although just like everything about life, it’s just a sensation. Regarding your question, self-reflection was a natural discovery man made through his sexual experience, as Osho says. Meditation was born out of that. So perhaps even though these people have no formal means for reflection, it is a strong possibility that these people are already reflective in some sense through their experiences.
      Take care. Love and light

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