We don’t realise this but often the quest for spirituality comes from an inner child wound. When we have learned early on through our circumstances that we will not receive human love and affection in response to our emotional hurt, we will bury our emotional hurt until, much later on, it will find expression in a spiritual quest. Since we are all inherently alchemists with astonishing light in our soul before we even set out on our spiritual journeys, we often end up “finding” the spiritual bliss only to find that it too doesn’t last. We experience a fall from spirituality. We drift. Workshops no longer entice us. All spiritual knowledge feels the same. The juice, the joy you once derived from transformation is no longer there. Usually at this stage one of the two things happens – a kind of lethargy sets in OR you start noticing that something still wants to be heard and recognised – like a tiny voice that was waiting in the shadow of a bend just so that it can approach you after you are exhausted.
At this point, you are ready to listen. If you take this clue and dive in, you will discover the most intense, joyful and childlike wisdom that forms your very core. Osho beautifully depicts this in his Zen Tarot Deck as “Innocence” – a wise old man that is looking endearingly at a tender soft pink petal resting precariously on his finger. We lose our spiritual smartness. We begin to discard that cloak of techniques. We begin to forget our spiritual filters of being indigo, rainbow or even a fairy or a pixie. The other dimensions stop enticing us.
Life simplifies. Laughter comes easy and full-bellied. There is amazement even in the simplest of life’s happenings. There is no inner child within, nor a woman or a man. There is only a full being that is discovering existence as a human.
As I shine this spotlight on myself, in the deepest part of myself, that core of me that was searching and then finding and then getting lost again even when I was so sure I never would, I ask myself,
why did I go on a spiritual journey?
what did I not receive?
who in me went on this journey?
Chances are the answers will keep you on the shore. At home. Not to get lost again.