The day started out with barely 3 hours of sleep (out of my own accord) just making contact with my physical self. As I rushed to the breakfast hall and zapped out, I was wondering if I will ever get into a “proper” regression, and touch that “profound Divinity” that I knew, was the sole aim of my participating in the training session.
On a whirlwind flashback, one of my dear friends who had just been through this session last year, told me to jot down my reasons for attending this session, the things I wanted to extract from this session, and now is a good place for me to thank her for inducing me into doing that, as my path remained as steady as a rock thanks to this practice and I can clearly feel the affirmation of my success beating in my heart as I reflect on it.
Dr.Newton splendidly demonstrated the Christos technique, which begins with massaging the feet. It serves to say that just before he began his discourse, I was feeling like having a foot massage. As we headed out to wrap up our packing and check out of the resort, I was feeling desolate. I would miss this place. I would miss Dr.Newton and Dr.Lakshmi because everytime I am in their presence, I have a profound feeling of “home” with an intensity more than I could have ever imagined as a child! I was leaving home, like a little child, and going out in the world that I distinctly did not like. In a daze coupled with a lackadaisical attitude, driven by my ever-effervescent, (s)mothering roomie, I finished the menial packing that was left, and headed out to the session room, where we were to complete the last leg of the training: actually practising the Christos and Ideomotor techniques with our assigned compatriots. As the Uni-Verse would have it, I was paired with the one fellow therapist with whom I have an exceptional connection. I knew this was it. This was “the” session I was waiting for, probably all of my current Life. As my excitement and tension began to mount, I felt the need to focus the energy of my therapist and myself to the task at hand, rather than let it mount to a disturbing extent. Hence, I requested him to meditate and visualize clearly, in one glimpse,of how the session would progress. I, on the other hand, focussed on calming my mind, by asking my left brain to allow my right brain to completely take over. Like a little child within me, I told myself to flow with my feelings. To trust my therapist completely. In a few moments, he was ready, and so was I. Our eyes connected, and our Souls reached the understanding.
As he began massaging my feet, as demonstrated by Dr.Newton, I lost the track of time. Feet have, quite bewilderingly, always been the most sensitive part of my body. It felt like 15 minutes of me resisting the waves of feelings in my feet, while my therapist later informed me that it was a mere 1-2 minutes. I started venting out my feelings…I felt like my feet were crying. It was overwhelming. In my mind’s eye, I saw at first multiple, identical visions of one baby, in a foetal state, crying. I informed my therapist.Through it all, my therapist was having a comically arduous time crawling back and forth between massaging my feet, and listening to my barely audible self.
Finally, the visions merged into one single prenatal baby who was crying and now the messages had started flying rapidly between me and the baby. In order to avoid letting my left brain interfere in this communication, I started to say out loud every bit of conversation to my therapist; my side, as well as the baby’s. Let the therapist have the analyzing headache, I told myself silently. A few more minutes into this conversation, I had discovered the heartbreaking connection with my therapist; one that I had a swift inkling of when he was himself being regressed the previous day through rebirthing. It was heart-wrenchingly poignant. It took all the therapist’s mental discipline and courage to not empathise with it all and get washed away in the waters I was experiencing of which he realised he was a prominent part of, as that would indeed have led to a failure of the session, and to the comical end of the healer and the healed crying and hugging each other in an almost ridiculous way.
As one connection had barely unravelled, I had swiftly flown into the rebirthing technique, and its associated session that I had experienced in an incomplete way the previous day. This was now to be the completion of what had begun the previous day. As my skilled therapist intuitively guided me, I experienced the full-blown impact of 2 of my lifetimes being simultaeneously manifested in my body. The first one, which was half-explored previously, came back to me in greater intensity and was connected to my lifelong fear of giving birth. Just as I had unravelled the workings of this one, my body gave way to the second violent sensation that, in a few moments, took me to another cannibalistic lifetime. This was my most challenging moment in the entire experience. It was the great test for my mind to truly know whether it had allowed complete possession to my right “sensing” brain. It was also the deciding point wherein I heard the advice of my therapist-of-the-previous-rebirthing-session during the Integration phase, telling me to be expressive with my physical body, and not try to control it as vigorously as I was used to. Her advice was my turning point. I gave in. I let myself crumble to the sensations. It was then that I truly experienced “trust” as a feeling, as I trusted her in the most complete sense. I landed with extreme intensity in that moment, and felt the shattering violence in me that I had always abhorred in the external world. As I went with the flow, I slowly transported to the LBL stage and saw my Guides. Herein, I experienced my fascinating connection with my (ex-??)roomie, the Why’s and How’s of that Life. Then came my overwhelming experience of actually sensing what people mean by Divinity. My Soul Family, comprising of my therapist, my roomie, and a few others surrounded me. I was like a child surrounded by my fairies. They seemed to be clapping for me as I seem to rise to their level…graduating in a way. They seemed to tell me, you are our Equal. You are just as great and divine a being as any one of us. You are beautiful. As I saw myself level with them, I felt like a child being applauded for her talent. Now I can strike the semblance to the scene of Taare Zameen Par, when the kid is awarded and applauded for his painting by his school and his mentor. My ever-conscious, ever-loving therapist asked me what I was feeling. My lips made out just one word… Divine.
The raison d’etre of that Life just ending, now it was the time for me to embrace that part of me. The mother in me that had come into form through the earlier regressed lifetimes came awake again. This time I was consciously “scripting” the acceptance process. Speaking to my therapist all along, while I was self-guiding myself, it was his continuously supportive language, the sense that he was with me all along, that he believed me in all that I am and feared to be, and more importantly that he would “handle” whatever came undone, that gave me the courage and peace to go on.
I visualized a mirror with a beautiful antiquated frame, except that it had no glass. As I was facing it, instead of seeing myself, I saw a dark hooded figure standing on the other side of the “mirror” that felt negative…the part of me that I really need to embrace. As I stepped closer and closer towards the frame, I was enlightening the therapist about my actions in this LBL stage. One…into the frame and the darkness enveloped me for an instant. It was…the moment of Truth. My body went rigid and rose above the ground for an instant. Then I saw myself once again…rather the outline of my body with a mix of black smokeyness and light swirling within it. For a few moments I was intensely concentrated on conquering the darkness within me, as well as accept that it was finally Me…All of it. It was an arduous process, but I couldn’t stop now. Slowly, there was just a golden, fog-like luminosity I could feel swirling in me. I finally felt at Peace. As still as a lake.
A few moments later, my therapist asked me how I feel. I instinctively said, “I feel like praying”, with what felt like an imperceptible inner smile. I felt like bowing down and offering homage to the Presence that had made me reach this profundity. What felt like barely seconds later, I sensed a Voice speaking inside of me. I doubted it, and in my only silly outburst to my therapist, I said,” I don’t know if I should be trusting this….but I’m going to just say whatever is coming to me….” and therein it began. As I continued to further speak this voice, I had feeling of a Great Presence take over me. As was obvious it was the presence of a Master. I tried to identify it. At first it was obscure and I thought it might be Jesus, since I frequently pray to Him in real life. But I soon saw a very clear, vividly and extraordinarily graceful face of Lord Buddha….with the sweeping eyes that can bloom Lotuses even in the filthiest corners of the Earth. Soon I felt my voice change to something too powerful and resonant to have been mine in a stage where I was only a disciple deep into the throes of Divinity, praying. He enlightened me about my way of Life, the mistakes I have been making, my relationships with various people that are currently very close to my heart, as well as a trepidatious decision I will be making in my Life. All I could feel at that moment was Answered Prayers.
Then I started to feel His attention drift across the room, and I felt myself speak out His message in even louder tones to the entire room. He reminded us of what Dr.Newton had taught us, just hours before in his final discourse in our training program, about each of us doing our own Homework. About each of us taking care of ourselves before we begin to heal others. He said we needed to grow first. He even cited examples, saying that if we want to conduct a rebirthing session for one of our clients, it was vital that we had our blocks cleared by the rebirthing process first. He then passed a message to another fellow therapist, whom I shall fondly call Plant-Lady here, that she needed to meditate among trees. Although, as I would know later, she was not present in the room at that instant, He said He knows she could hear Him. That she was like a young plant herself, and that she has begun her process of inner transformation.
As He paused, I heard a shout that seemed to come from across the room. Focussed almost entirely inward, I saw Buddha turn and smile. The shout was from another girl being regressed at that moment by someone else; “Help her…” she cried out. Before, anything further could be said by anyone in the room, He spoke inside of me, “I am helping her”. At the same time, her therapist asked her who it is she is talking about in her regressed state, and she uttered my name. The girl in focus happened to be my namesake. Hence, her therapist asked her is she herself needs help, to which she reacted, “No…The other Deepti…” At this point, Dr.Lakshmi approached her and consoled her aptly saying, “She is being guided”.
It was eternities later that I felt the presence cease to a lesser form which I then realised was the Inner Voice that had been guiding me very actively all along day and night. This fall in intensity suddenly gave rise to tremendous thrashing of my upper right arm which I couldn’t control for a good 5 minutes. After several quaking moments of this, my body began to tremble with a lesser intensity. A few minutes later I asked my therapist to awake me. As he did, the energy not having yet left me completely, I had to make a superhuman effort to open my eyelids. I remember blinking a couple of times and my vision also reverberating with the energy I felt within. I wanted to hug my therapist, and tell him, “Yes…we did it!!” But instead, the emotion diffused in a powerful, draining swell of sobs and Dr.Lakshmi embraced me.
She rocked me like my mother never had.
I cried more…to convey to her… to Dr.Newton…to my therapist and wonderful Soulmate… to my roomie… to my namesake…to dear Plant-Lady… to the psychologist in whom I saw a girl wearing pink ribbons…
in so many emotions…in so many words… gratitude…humility….Divinity…grace…worship…love…Oneness.
The theme set into motion by Dr.Newton was manifested in me. Like jumping from the top of a pyramid, and discovering I had wings….I had finally learned to fly!
Today I have shared this for the sole purpose of sharing it with the most wonderful Soul Family I could’ve ever imagined discovering. I can say that I have truly loved them all in different ways, on different planes, as we all traveled through this process of self transformation… be it while we were having the rocking unscheduled dance party, or the flood of silent together sobs while watching “Yesterday’s Children”, or the midnight walk around the resort with “pataka”, or singing in an emotional chorus to “Imagine”, or hugging and making pictures so much so that I have definitely forgotten to have a look at the Case study book!!
I feel even more so loved and cherished by all of you…. and there are no words to express this feeling of gratitude which goes beyond the Earth’s Karmic cycles.
I leave you with my fave saying that I would say to myself whenever I felt alone and hugged my knees like a little girl….