A connection, an unraveling always opens up after a spiritual workshop. Attending a past life regression workshop called “Radiant Relationships” opened up a whole new dimension of relationships that I have never experienced before. It set into motion the uncovering of a relationship of a very different kind – one without strings or needs and yet plenty of healing and self-work. I have been relying on spiritual astrology, especially by an author called Jan Spiller, to understand and tap into those infinitesimal subtleties that are often going on as undercurrents in relationships. Through this study, it has been enlightening to “discover” where the other person is really coming from, and how I am poised to react vs. what the real picture is. It has helped me understand and “love better” many people in my life.
This time the experience of depth in the relationship with a companion led me to stumble upon “spiritual partnership”. I often like to listen to authors and spiritual teachers talk about their experiences and fields of expertise. One of the shows I listen to off and on, is the Aware Show by Lisa Garr. Today I stumbled upon the talk by Gary Zukav, the author of the well known Seat of the Soul and now, Spiritual Partnership, and I realised that what I have been experiencing, is something very close to this.
Though I have never read his books, something about this talk pulled me. And I was not surprised how the universe had placed yet another piece for me to put my foot on. It was a call on Spiritual Partnership and a lot of what Gary said deeply resonated with me.
So I decided to record it and put it up here for those who might be interested in downloading it and listening to it yourself.
Inspired, I even visited his site and downloaded the Spiritual Partnership Guidelines. Although the call was wonderful, the guidelines were a bit too generic for me.
Spontaneously as I was listening to this call, all the moments and lessons that I have been learning through the relationship with this spiritual companion in my life right now came pouring through. I started jotting these thoughts down into what became a list – something like a wishlist of what my idea of spiritual companionship would be. Earlier, in order to attract the perfect life partner, as an exercise, I used to write down a list of 200 qualities I desired in my life partner. Inspite of making this list twice, by the end of it I was not happy. Something about detailing felt very restrictive and inadequate. Today, post the exponential amount of inner changes that I have experienced over the past few months, I can see that the point is not about attracting a “perfect” person or an “ideal partner”. It really is about finding the wonderful dynamics of a balanced relationship and living it with someone – it might be a friend, a lover, a parent, a child, a business partner or even with your career. Most of all, it is about finding this relationship with yourself first. Atleast this is the perspective. For now. 🙂
At the end of this list, I had an epiphany – I was touched that this companion who has walked into my life has been living by many of these dynamics and has evoked my own embodiment of these. It awakened a deep state of gratitude within. Yet again – For him, for us and for the universe for revealing him 🙂
So here is the list that flowed through. I hope the feeling translates and that you are able to envision your own relationships in this landscape; better still, I intend sincerely that this is what we shape our relationships into eventually, because I sense this is what our soul’s deepest desire for companionship has always been.
My idea of an authentic partnership with someone based on spiritual values:-
1. Someone who takes conscious responsibility for his/her thoughts, feelings and actions.
2. Someone who is wise and gentle enough to point me to where i am trying to control/project some part of my wounds onto him/her.
3. Someone who will not try to make me feel better when I am low, but will hold the space to support me to explore it for myself.
4. Someone who treats me as equal (About which Gary Zukav says something to the effect of: When you relate to personality, you can’t see them as equal; When you see them from the eyes of your soul, you see them as equal).
5. Someone who is open emotionally to me, lets me in on what he/she is thinking+feeling proactively, and shows me how to support him/her when he/she is going through that phase.
6. Someone who takes the time to bring in Gratitude in the relationship – through feeling, relationship review and the lessons he/she has learnt by being with me – on a regular basis.
7. Someone who enjoys taking care of himself/herself.
8. Someone who brings healthy inter-dependence that comes from sharing areas of strength & stops co-dependence that comes from a place of weakness, desperation or neediness to the relationship.
9. Someone who explores the relationship intuitively and with sensitivity, being connected to the soul of the relationship with every interaction, rather than setting rules in stone.
10. Someone who helps me go beyond any need I might project onto/expect of him/her.
11. Someone who shares a common theme with my dreams and vision of life and is on the path to fulfilling them (possibly on an everyday basis).
12. Someone who cares about the same things in life as me w.r.t time, relationships, money, work, spirituality, growth, travel, creativity, etc.
13. Someone who is always expanding and reinventing himself, and brings this quality to the relationship.
14. Someone who understands and practices that love is a choice – by making responsible choices.
15. Someone who understands and practices true love (as defined by Jan Spiller) –
“Love is when two energies are attracted to each other. But “True Love” is when they also support each other in doing those things that allow them both to be in harmony with themselves as individuals. When you truly love someone, you support them in being who they are.”
16. Someone who is able to see when I am acting out of my fear and let’s me come out of that prison, even if that means he/she doesn’t have to play my “saviour” anymore.
17. Someone who cares enough to leave the relationship and allows me the space to come to terms about it, if I am no longer a part of that person’s growth.
18. Someone who understands that love is different from a relationship; that love exists whether or not a relationship blossoms out of it or withers away.
19. Someone who respects the differences between us and gives space and time to nurture those differences independently.
20. Someone who recognizes love beyond the ever-changing parts of my personality.
21. Someone who practices “Selective Nurturing” which involves spending 2 minutes looking into the eyes of your partner everyday and complimenting them sincerely through words or gestures, about what uniquely touched you about them.
PS: Being that “Someone” first! 🙂
Who am I to judge you
Or to decide who you are
When who you are with me
Is just one facet of all that you are
No-one else experiences you
The way I do
Nor can others see through me
In the way you could.
If truth be told
(if there is such a thing)
Who we are is not independent
Of whom we are with
So let not another’s opinion
Mar your ideas of me
And I also promise
To see you
As whoever you are being
In this moment, right here
Right now, with me.
~ A poem by author Sangeeta Bhagwat (shared with her kind permission). Deepest Gratitude to her for writing this.